Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Randomize
