I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
