her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
