She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
