The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
