The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
