his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
