If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
