i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
