What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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