yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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