They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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