someone get that fucking seahorse.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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