I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
