He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
