How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
