I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
