You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
