miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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