My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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