I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
ttyl tear gas
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
