We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
