After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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