I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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