So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize