I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
