How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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