so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
