how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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