also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
