My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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