What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
