guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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