i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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