Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Randomize
