Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
