He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
