i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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