as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
