drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
