Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
try to milk me bitch
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