just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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