dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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