i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
