I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
