hell yes lets make some ravioli
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
