I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
