i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
