Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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