I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
This is the prime rib incident all over again
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
