i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Found your dick twin last night
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
