U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
