i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
