I puked a lego.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
