med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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