how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
