lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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