the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Randomize
