i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
