I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
