if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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