i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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