98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
