Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I AM VODKA MAN
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
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