R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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