ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
