If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
