i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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