Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
