He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
