my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
