kristin has been a bad kristin
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
