She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
