in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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