dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
