i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
