You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
