apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
