Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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