Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
