No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
