did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
