Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
