Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
