Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I need water and some morals
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
