FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
