The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize