matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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