I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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