Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
