Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
