Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
