Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
