k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
