ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
